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Veteran Elder Care Support Programs

In your role as guardian to an aging loved one, you may have heard about two programs that can reduce healthcare costs and stabilize an aging parent. The Department of Veterans Affairs Aid and Attendance benefit and Medicaid waiver programs.

The Veterans Affairs Aid and Attendance benefit:

  • Helps with the costs of a variety of health care services, including home care or care within a facility.
  • Is paid to veterans who served at least one day during a time of war and who are already collecting a compensation or pension.
  • Is also paid to surviving spouses of eligible veterans.

If you’re eligible, you can apply for the Aid and Attendance benefit at your regional Veterans Affairs office.

Medicaid waiver programs

Medicaid waiver programs are available to senior citizens and adults with disabilities. Each state has a different name for its Medicaid waiver program. But many programs are generally known as home and community based services, or waivers.

Coverage and eligibility requirements vary from state to state. Elder care consultants can help you understand the benefits and eligibility where you live and can guide you through the application process.

Services and support provided through Medicaid waiver programs include:

  • Home modifications
  • Durable medical equipment
  • Caregiver support programs
  • Transportation services
  • Respite care
  • Personal emergency response systems
  • Home-delivered meals

Program services are typically available for:

  • Senior citizens
  • Adults with physical, mental or developmental disabilities
  • Persons with traumatic brain injuries

VA Aid and Attendance benefit and Medicaid waiver programs are two of many resources available to help you care for an aging loved one.

You may also want to explore eligibility for assistance through social security programs such as supplemental security income and social security disability benefits.

Thank you to Military On Source for this content. See full article here

Taking Control of Finances For Aging Parents

When your aging parent is no longer able to keep track of bills, investments and money management, someone else must step in.

Often the parent has appointed an adult child or other relative to do the job.

3 mistakes to avoid

Mistake #1: Failure to communicate.

Most aging parents do not want to give up control. They have appointed someone to be the agent as Power of Attorney and/or they have appointed a successor trustee.

But when it comes time for that person to take over. There is resistance and sometimes hostility from the aging parent. Keep all explanations simple

Offer to pay bills first. As this is often an area where failure to keep track is recognized somewhat by the elder. You may get pushback but you are doing the job you are required to do and resistance must not stop you.

Mistake #2: Going to your aging parents’ bank with only the Power of Attorney.

Most banks are required to report suspicious activity that could harm a customer. They are supposed to watch out for financial elder abuse.

Since the Power of Attorney (POA) is a revocable document. The bank does not know if the elder was manipulated into signing it. And if it’s a ticket to steal or if it is legitimate. They sometimes want the elder to sign the bank’s own POA document.

But if your aging parent is “out of it” and that’s why you are taking over financial management. The elder may be not legally capable of signing another POA document. The bank will likely want some proof that your aging parent is incapacitated.

Mistake #3: Failure to look at your aging parent’s trust to see how it defines “incapacity.”

You need to know who can legally take over if your aging loved one becomes incapacitated, for finances. And know how your aging parents’ trust defines incapacity and how it is determined.

In many cases, the requirement of getting not just one, but two doctors to say, in writing, that a person is incapacitated. For finances cannot be chamged if its built into the trust.

One thing you can do early on is to have a conversation with your aging loved one to discuss the “worst case scenario” of becoming impaired. Do this proactively, perhaps at the time of retirement.

Although many aging parents are secretive about their finances. It is worth a try to get them to discuss how their estate plan addresses the issue of becoming incapacitated to manage finances. When the legal paperwork is well done, everyone is better protected.

Thank you to Carolyn Rosenblatt and Forbes for this content.

See full article here

How To Give Your Parent A Peaceful Passage

There are few things more difficult than saying goodbye to a dying parent. In between talking to doctors and family members, not to mention trying to cope emotionally, what affairs do you need to get in order?

Death is the last taboo, and we learn about it in sterile hospital corridors from doctors who are trained to help us heal, not to help us die. And yet, theirs will be the only voice many of us will hear when we make end-of-life decisions with our parents.

9 Pieces of Bedside Wisdom to Help Your Parent Pass Peacefully

1. Recognize the signs

You may see signs that Dad is disinterested, resigned, or depressed. He might withdraw and stop participating Understand this is natural and is his way of preparing to say goodbye.

2. Talk

You might find that Mom wants to talk about the end of her life, and no matter how uncomfortable it is for you, let her. Ask her how she feels about dying. Talk about what kind of passage she imagines.

3. Remember to ask yourself: Whose life is it, anyway?

Sometime in the last few centuries, Americans turned death over to medical institutions. In doing so, we give up our personal and spiritual freedom at a time when we most need it. If we believe our parents are entitled to their own choices, their dying becomes easier.

4. Consider Mom’s quality of life

Help Mom make the best decisions for herself by understanding the probabilities of success, the amount of damage the solution will cause and the probable quality of life if the new treatment is successful. Let her know it’s her choice whether or not to proceed.

5. Help Dad communicate his wishes

Everyone knows they should have a will, but between 40 and 60 percent of us do not have advance care directives, which are legal documents that spell out our wishes for the end-of-life experience. Help Dad fill his out and give copies to family members and doctors.

6. When they can’t speak for themselves, honor the surrogate

A health care surrogate is the person who will make decisions for them if they are unable to speak for themself. The choice should always be for the person who best knows and is willing to adhere to the parent’s own wishes without bringing a personal agenda.

7. Explore hospice

Hospice care does not prolong life but offers comfort treatment for a dying parent at the end stages. Most people say they don’t want to live their last days in a hospital, yet most people don’t get into hospice care soon enough to allow for a truly peaceful ending.

8. Know your limits and do your best

If your emotional limit is ten minutes, stay ten minutes, and then leave. If you’re exhausted, take time out for yourself. Your responsibility is for your parent’s peace and for your own physical and mental health.

9. Try to find closure

In the last days when it seems there is nothing left to do but grieve, ask yourself, “What will I always wish I said but won’t be able to?” When your parent is dying on their own terms, death can be a beautiful time of bonding and mending.

Thank you to parentgiving.com for this content.

See full article here

5 Tips For Caring For Someone With Dementia

Being a caregiver to a loved one is an incredibly rewarding experience, yet it’s also a difficult one. And if your loved one has dementia, caregiving can be even more challenging.

Five tips when providing care for someone with dementia.

1. Be open to new ways of interacting and communicating.

It’s easy to look at a parent or loved one with dementia and see them as they’ve always been. They may look the same, but their behaviors are going to be different and you can’t return them to normal just through sheer willpower.

Taking steps to adjust how you perceive, interact and communicate with your loved one. Being open to seeing them as they are now can help you better engage with them in your day-to-day activities.

2. Take steps to avoid agitation, stress and conflict.

Dementia impairs how effectively the brain handles stress and confusion. As often as possible, help set your loved one up for success by limiting situations that induce confrontation or unnecessary change.

You can accomplish this by maintaining a normal routine as often as possible.

3. Recognize dangerous situations and implement precautions.

Having impaired memory or decision-making can make certain situations unsafe for your loved one.

You, as the caregiver, will need to identify safety issues and be quick to enact solutions. Knowing the danger areas in your loved one’s home and taking steps to make them safer is reccomened.

4. Be proactive rather than reactive

Dementia is progressive, so you’ll want to regularly assess how much support your loved one needs.

If you’re struggling to determine when your loved one needs more care or what more care even looks like, a home safety evaluation can help you assess:

  • Your loved one’s risk
  • Whether safety concerns exist
  • Whether gaps in care exist
  • The next steps to take

Managing your parent or loved one’s care comes with many legal, financial and medical matters to navigate. Getting a head start on these can go a long way.

5. Know when to ask for help.

When caring for someone with dementia, it’s easy to let your own physical and mental health slide. But don’t forget about your own self-care.

One of the best things you can do as a caregiver is allow others to help you. Maybe that’s relying on a grocery delivery service or asking a family member to take your loved one to a doctor’s appointment now and then.

Use this time away for yourself, filling it with whatever helps you relax and recharge. Don’t feel guilty about letting the professionals care for your loved one when it’s time.

Big thanks to Katie McCallum at Houston Methodist for this conent.

See full article here

Power of Attorney

Having your affairs taken care of should an emergency happen is incredibly important, whether you’re single or married, have kids or not.

You worked hard for your savings, and your assets should be used as you wish to take care of you in the event of incapacitation or thereafter.

As you know, a power of attorney is a great way to accomplish this goal. These documents give someone the legal right to act on your behalf, and they can be structured in a way to have broad or limited responsibilities.

A durable power of attorney remains effective when someone becomes incapacitated, whereas a nondurable power of attorney ends at that point.

For example: A couple who owns a home and rental properties and wants to take a year off to sail around the world could also appoint a power of attorney to handle their bills while they’re away.

As you have found, having a professional with this power can be expensive.

Some, charge per hour, while others may charge a flat fee on a monthly basis, Family members and friends may also be paid to take on this role, though the principal and agent can discuss a fee structure that works for everyone.

If you want a professional to act as your power of attorney but your lawyer’s rates are too high, shop around.

Ask your attorney or other professionals how much time, on average, they spend taking care of the affairs.

There are other options, such as a trust company, but those are usually for especially large estates.

Working with a financial adviser, who can create a financial plan that incorporates your goals, needs for the next 40 years and accounts for the worst-case scenario.

A planner could also look over your insurance coverage and help you make sense of how to pay for the services you want.

In the absence of hiring a professional fiduciary. People without large families or if family members are unsuitable for the role.

Younger family members, even if they’re more distant, are also viable options if you trust them, such as nieces or nephews, or children of close friends.

And in that case, you may think of two people who could take on coordinating roles, such as dual power of attorneys

Make sure to have other documents too. For example, having medical documents in place is crucial.

A living will, is used to share your wishes with medical personnel about how you’d like to be treated, or if you want them to go to extreme measures to keep you alive.

A HIPAA release form lets medical facilities release important information about patients to others, and without this, your loved ones can have a hard time finding out if you’re okay or how to help.

Thank you to Alessandra Malito and Market Watch for this content.

See full article HERE.

Questions To Ask Aging Parents About Finances

There are now more than 70 million Baby Boomers in the U.S. Yet, millions of adult children may not be prepared to make important decisions about their parents’ future because of a lack of knowledge about their parents’ finances.

While people in their 40s and 50s learned much about money from their parents, now the roles are becoming reversed. Adult children should know where their parents’ finances stand in case of any emergency. Speaking to aging parents about their finances isn’t easy.

9 important questions you may want to discuss with your parents

Do You Have a Financial Plan (and Will It Be Enough)?

Find out if your parents have a financial plan and a financial adviser. Some parents will have a solid financial plan that will enable them to live comfortably into their 80s or 90s.

You may learn they are living on a fixed budget and money is tight. Any decision to provide them with financial support will likely have an impact on your own financial plan.

Do You Keep a List of All Your Accounts Handy?

Ask your parents to put together a list of their financial assets and those people designated as beneficiaries of those accounts. Keep this information in a safe place.

Where’s Your Will, and Am I the Executor?

It’s important to know if you may have a role in the estate plan and what it means. Find out where your parents keep their will and estate documents and the attorney who has the latest version.

One item that is not commonly listed in the will that you may want to ask about is if your parents have prepaid for a burial plot or memorial arrangements.

Any Life Insurance I Should Know About?

Find out if your parents have any active life insurance policies, which company has issued the policy and the policy number.

If your parents are still working, they may have life insurance through an employer rather than owning a policy individually.

Do You Have Any Special Bequests to Family and Friends?

Family heirlooms and special personal property may have a prominent place in your parents’ estate plan, as well as for you and your siblings.

Having these conversations soon can help prevent any disagreements during a difficult time.

Who Is Your Financial Power of Attorney?

This document is a staple of any estate plan, allowing your parents to name a primary and secondary person to make financial decisions on their behalf if they become incapacitated.

If you are named as the person to make financial decisions, find out where all of your parents:

  • Financial assets are held
  • Medicare policy
  • Pensions and Social Security benefits

Are You All Set with a Living Will? What Are Your Wishes for Medical Care?

Your parents should have an Advance Health Care Directive or Living Will and Health Care Power of Attorney.

These documents convey which adult child can make medical decisions on behalf of a parent if they became incapacitated or terminally ill.

Have You Forgotten Bills or Had Trouble Balancing Your Checkbook Lately?

A discussion of key financial decisions with your parents while they are in good health is recommended.

This will enable everyone to make a plan if your parents start to show signs of memory loss.

Do You Have a Long-Term Care Policy?

These are insurance policies that provide a monetary benefit for assisted living or skilled nursing care.

To claim benefits, a person typically needs to be unable to perform two out of six common “Activities of Daily Living”

  • bathing
  • dressing
  • toileting
  • eating
  • transferring
  • continence

or have a severe cognitive disorder.

Discussing your parents’ financial and estate plans is not easy and may be uncomfortable, but it will help give both you and your parents some peace of mind to know that they will be provided for and things will be taken care of in their absence.

Special thanks to content contributor: Patricia Sklar and Kiplinger.com

See full article HERE

Preparing for the Death of a Parent

It’s often the unspeakable level of grief: preparing for the death of a parent. Holidays such as Father’s Day or Mother’s Day become difficult and sorrowful.

Photographs and family gatherings are now bittersweet. If your parent is in hospice care, it’s important to be well-prepared for your loss.

Preparing for Death of a Parent Checklist:

Say the Important Things

This is an imperative time for you to tell your parent that you love them or to resolve any misunderstandings. You don’t ever want to think, “I wish that I had told my parent…” It may help to make a list so you can be sure you’ve spoken about all the things you need to.

Get Your Support Network in Place

You probably already have a network of friends and relatives upon which you can depend. Use this time to reach out to them so they will understand how they can best help you.

Often, those who want to help may need some guidance on how to serve you most effectively.

Spend Time Talking About Memories

This is the time to enjoy reminiscing about the wonderful time you had together. Your parent will appreciate this trip down memory lane and the fantastic memories will be appreciated.

Save All The Memories You Can

Do you still have questions about your parent’s life?

Maybe you want to know more about that famous—yet secret—family recipe. Consider recording these for future generations or for you to enjoy later.

Understand Funeral Arrangements

We understand this is a difficult topic to discuss, but it’s essential to get a good grasp of what your parent wants for their funeral.

Knowing this ahead of time will give you a sense of relief when it is time for funeral planning.

Prepare Yourself Financially

In many ways, this can be the most challenging aspect of preparing for the death of a parent. It’s important to be sure that their affairs are in order.

It’s important to start this planning now instead of waiting until after your parent has passed, when you will be dealing with the additional stress of funeral arrangements.

Don’t’ forget to consider these central aspects of financial planning:

  • Know where important documents are located.
  • These may involve stocks, bonds or other similar items.
  • Who will be named executor of the estate?
  • If you are, do you understand what is involved?
  • Have the names and contact information of your parent’s attorneys or financial advisors.
  • Make copies of key legal documents such as:
    • Wills
    • Trusts
    • Titles Deeds
    • Insurance (including both long-term care and life insurance)

Are Your Parent’s Healthcare Wishes Explained?

Do you know what your parent would want if they weren’t able to make those decisions for themselves?

This is why healthcare documents such as an Advance Directive or Healthcare Power of Attorney are so critical.

As you and your parent are going through this difficult time, we suggest:

  • Avoid making any major life decisions.
  • Be gentle with yourself—remember that you do not have to be everything for everybody.
  • Get support from others, whether it be friends, family or clergy.
  • Take care of yourself. This includes getting plenty of sleep and eating healthy foods.

Special thanks to content contributor: LifeCare.org

See full article HERE

7 Steps to Take When Aging Parents Need Help

 If your aging parents need help to stay safe and healthy, you might be unsure about how to handle the situation.

Use these 7 steps to turn the vague problem of “my aging parents need help” into a practical, realistic plan to help mom or dad be as healthy and happy as possible.

 1 Assess your parent’s needs

Caring for a parent can feel overwhelming because you’re not sure exactly what needs to be done. To solve that problem, take a step back to understand how much help your parent needs with everyday life.

Think about 8 key areas:

  • Family support
  • Home safety
  • Medical needs
  • Cognitive health
  • Mobility
  • Personal hygiene
  • Meal preparation
  • Social interaction

How much support are they already getting in each category and how much help do they realistically need to stay safe and healthy.

2 Think about your own needs and abilities

Before you make the assumption that you can take care of all your parent’s needs by yourself, stop and think about your own situation and abilities.

  • Does your health allow you to physically care for someone?
  • Do you live close enough to visit as often as needed?
  • Would you want to live with them, either in their house or yours?
  • Are you willing to learn how to provide that care?
  • Do you have the kind of relationship that allows you to spend a lot of time together without creating a lot of negative feelings on either side?
  • Do you have the personality to provide the type of care they need?

We want our parents to be safe and healthy, and it’s not selfish or heartless if you’re not the best person to personally provide that care.

3 Include your parent in the process

Nobody wants to lose control of their life, especially someone who’s already concerned about losing independence.

That’s why it’s so important to involve your parent as much as possible when you’re planning for their care.

This helps them see you more as a partner rather than someone who’s swooping in to make changes.

As long as they’re not in immediate danger, try not to force changes too quickly.

4 Understand the financial situation

No matter what, caring for an older adult will cost money.

Once you have an idea of their financial position, you’ll know if they’ll be able to afford the care they need or if they’ll need financial help.

Government programs, Medicaid, and other programs are available to help pay for long term care.

5 Take care of home safety basics

Safety hazards in the house add up over time, making it easier for older adults to trip, fall, or hurt themselves.

Preventing falls will go a long way to keeping your parent independent for as long as possible.

Simple fixes include:

  • Making sure all floors and walkways are clear of clutter, cords, and rugs
  • Adding grab bars in the bathroom and stair railings throughout
  • Updating lights so all rooms are bright and switches are easily accessible
  • Ensuring all appliances work well and are within easy reach
  • Minimizing the need to use step-stools or bend down low

6 Make sure communication is simple and accessible

Another thing that keeps your parent safe is the ability to easily call for help and keep in touch with family and friends.

Make sure their phone is easy to use and easily accessible.

Or, if your parent is open to the idea, consider a wearable medical alert device.

7 Explore available aging care options

Even after breaking down the steps, caring for your parent can be an overwhelming responsibility.

Fortunately, there are many aging care options and helpful resources you can rely on.

  • Geriatric care managers
  • In-home caregiving help
  • Assisted living communities
  • Geriatricians (geriatric doctors)
  • Area Agency on Aging

Special thanks to content contributor: DailyCaring

See full article HERE.

5 Steps to Prepare Aging Parents for a Bright Future

Even if your relationship with your mom and dad is less than perfect, you won’t want to see them struggle, especially as they get older.

Thankfully, there are ways you can prepare your aging parents for a comfortable future, and as far as possible, stress-free.

1 Have the Talk About Aging Concerns With Your Parents

The starting point is to call that family meeting with parents, siblings or anyone involved. The point of the meeting is to make sure that your parents and siblings all know the way forward.

During the meeting, ask your parents:

  • How they feel about their current situation and living conditions.
  • If the family can help them in any way now.
  • How they plan to pay for assisted living or medical care.
  • Where they would prefer to live if they are no longer able to live on their own.

The answers they provide will guide you towards making the best possible decisions for all involved. However, there may be some anger, resentment, or tension that arises.

Few people are entirely comfortable acknowledging their potential frailty and possible lack of independence, or that of people they love—especially their parents.

2 Assess Your Aging Parents’ Current Situation

The meeting with your parents should provide you with enough information to assess their current situation.

Ask yourself the following or similar questions as part of your assessment:

  • Are your parents still able to drive competently?
  • Are they able to pay all their bills?
  • Do they have any large debts?
  • Do they have problems with their physical mobility?
  • Do they have issues with their sight?
  • Are they maintaining or losing their weight?

Educating yourself about their current circumstances will not only help you to plan for their future. It also enables you to determine whether they need assistance now and what form it would be.

3 Make Medical and Legal Plans With Your Aging Parents

Ensuring your aging parents have adequate medical and legal planning is an essential part of preparing for their future.

In addition to reliable health insurance, they should also have an Advanced Health Care Directive or Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST).

These documents contain their wishes regarding medical care, should they ever become incapable of expressing their desires.

As far as legal planning goes, talk with your parents about life insurance for elderly parents, funeral plans, and any other medical insurance policies they may need.

All their essential documents, such as their insurance policies, portfolios, baptism and wedding certificates, military records, POLST, make copies and keep them in a safe place.

4 Review Your Aging Parents’ Financial Resources

Reviewing your parent’s financial resources is a big part of securing a stress-free future. Make a list that includes:

  • Their monthly income
  • Retirement savings
  • Pensions
  • Assets Savings accounts
  • Social security

Then, list their monthly expenses and debts. Calculate how long their finances will last, based on their current costs.

The main points you will and to consider are:

  • Do your parents still have large debts such as credit cards, car, or house?
  • Have they decided who will receive power of attorney?
  • Should you be monitoring their spending?
  • Do you need to check that your parents are paying all their bills?

5 Consider Potential Housing Options for Your Aging Parents

There may come a time when your parents are no longer able to live independently. In light of this, you must explore potential housing options with them.

Some you may consider:

  • Assisted living
  • In-home care
  • Nursing home
  • Your home

Working out potential housing options early on is always best as situations can change in a heartbeat.

Knowing what they would prefer and the accommodation options they would be comfortable in can offer everyone peace of mind.

Preparing aging parents for a bright future is not always an easy or comfortable task. However, it’s one of the best things you can do for your mom and dad.

By following these five steps, you can conquer difficult conversations and set plans in motion when required.

Thank you to Sean Grover and psychologytoday.com for this content

See full article here

Delivering Bad News to Senior Parents

Delivering bad news is tough, no matter who it is.

It’s especially tough when you must deliver it to a family member or senior parents.

Whether it’s financial problems, onset of disease, a death in the family, or several other topics, there’s never an easy way to give bad news to anyone.

If your senior parents have dementia or are otherwise in poor health, the challenge can be even greater.

How to Prepare for Tough Conversations

You should think through the news you need to deliver and do some preparation.

The person you are delivering bad news to will also need a moment to be prepared.

A very helpful way to get prepared is to write the details of the news down and everything you know about it.

Think about the questions that will likely be asked of you and try to get as many answers as you can ahead of time.

Reading this info back to a trusted friend can help you clarify your thoughts.

Remember—your senior parents or many other elderly people for that matter, are likely far more at ease with issues about dying than we want to believe.

A Few Tips When Talking About Bad News with Senior Parents

It’s important to be very clear in your communication.

Of course, you need to be sensitive to the needs of the person receiving the news and go slowly if you need to. This is especially true when discussing a death in the family

Use comforting language and encouraging words, reassuring them that you will be there for them.

It will convey your compassion if you start your sentences with “I.”

Consider the following examples:

  • I’m afraid I have some tough news to talk about….
  • I have something very important to tell you….
  • I think we need to discuss a difficult topic….
  • I’m hoping…
  • I’m fearing…
  • I wish I had different news to tell you….

Bad news can have all sorts of reactions, so it’s important to give your loved one the space they need to absorb the information and react however they need to.

Delivering Bad News to Senior Parents with Dementia or Alzheimer’s

Things can get a little trickier when dementia or Alzheimer’s comes into play.

It’s not uncommon for them to forget a relative has died and they might bring that person up in conversation.

This leaves you wondering whether you should constantly remind them that the person is deceased. After all, we don’t want to cause pain over and over.

Some people even make the mistake of not telling them about a death at all, thinking it’s the most compassionate thing to do.

But seniors with dementia need the truth and they need help processing it, even if it takes several tries.

You may have to gently remind them often about the same piece of news.

You may also find that they ask frequently where a person is who has recently died.

You can use that time to remind them that their loved one who has passed on is safe and at peace.

Use this time also to reassure them that you will always be there to talk to.

Their memories may vary, and this may affect how they process bad news.

It’s never easy to deliver bad news to senior parents, but with these tips and a lot of love and compassion, it can be much easier than you think.

Thank you to Chris Gerardi and Home Helpers for this content.

See full article HERE.

Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash