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Is your home ready for Mom or Dad to move in?
You’ve made the important decision to have your mom or dad come to live with you in your home. Congratulations! This new living arrangement has all sorts of positive results – a stronger relationship between the two of you, the chance to pay them back for all the nurturing they provided for you, the opportunity for your children to bond with their grandparents as well as develop a strong sense of caring and compassion.
But is your house ready for an elderly person? The structure and dynamics of your household may be something you haven’t fully considered. Even if Mom or Dad are in great shape and health right now, will they need something different sooner rather than later? Here are some items to think over:
- Outside Stairs. Even those few steps up to your front door may be too much, especially if Mom or Dad uses a wheelchair. A walker or a cane can be hazardous on stairs as they become less agile. Think of your front step on an icy or just a rainy day! You might consider putting in a ramp, and/or a hand-rail for extra stability for the front of the house, or even from the garage into the home.
- Bedrooms. Are all the bedrooms on the second floor? Climbing numerous stairs can be tiring as we get older, even if they are capable of doing it now. You may need to install a chairlift. Or perhaps there is a room on the main floor that could be converted to Mom or Dad’s bedroom – a den, office or playroom? You may have space elsewhere in the house you haven’t thought of using as you move rooms around. A basement or attic space could become that office you have to convert to a bedroom.
- Bathrooms. Even if you already have a bathroom on the first floor, if your new roommate is in a wheelchair, is the bathroom door wide enough to accommodate it? Will it need handrails and perhaps a different type of toilet?
- Privacy. Can everyone in the household make adjustments but still have the privacy they need?
- Noise. Mom or Dad might go to bed even before the children. Will the TV in the living room keep them awake? Headphones would be a simple solution. The kids may also need to use their headphones when listening to music (chances are it’s not the sort of music Grandma or Grandpa will enjoy). Of course, sometimes noise is just inevitable. Your parents might like a pair of earplugs or noise-canceling headphones for themselves.
Once you have made your plans to alter your home to accommodate your parent, it’s time to get out the calculator. How much will everything cost? Is it affordable? Can Mom or Dad contribute to the alterations and/or to the monthly household budget? It would be good to involve your siblings in these type of financial discussions, which are never easy for anyone.
With a little pre-planning, a few modifications, and lots of open talks, your new living arrangements will create a happy home life for everyone.
Check out this site for more information on home modifications:
National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modification.
How Do You Save Your Memories?
Have you accumulated boxes of old photos from every holiday, vacation and birthday party attended? After a lifetime, what do you do with them?
Consider something called Life-Storying.
Life-Storying is a customized process of audio and video recordings. You can do it yourself by copying your special photos electronically onto CDs or hard drives — or try your hand at scrapbooking. Also services now exist that will take all your photos, slides, and videos and do it for you.
Once you get your precious photos safe in the format of your choice, one of the best ways to share them with family members and friends across the country is with social media. You can post your photo and then add a story to go with it. Or just identify who is in the photo, especially if it’s of grandpa as an unrecognizable boy or maybe even grandpa’s mother and father. Facebook is a great social media tool for feeling close to family who live far away or who you never get to see.
Not only can you share old memories, Facebook will also remind you of long ago posts so you can enjoy those photos and stories again. Also, Twitter and Instagram are easy programs for sharing photos and videos. Your children will love you even more for your great family posts.
If you don’t feel like digitizing your photos, make sure you at least keep them in a archival-quality box that is acid-free and not made of cardboard. Keep the box stored in a cool place – not the garage or attic. And handle them with kid-gloves…literally. Wearing gloves with keep off not only fingerprints but also oils and perspiration.
But to help family members to be able to identify the photos in years to come, a photo album or scrapbook would provide spaces to write descriptions and stories .
Getting your photos and videos arranged and safe for future generations can be a fun project. But you may be someone who appreciates a great end result and not this particular time-consuming journey. Let SeniorMoves.org take care of it for you.
Questions to ask a Senior Move Manager
The following questions are suggested by the National Association of Senior Moves Managers (NASMM):
• How long have you been providing senior move management services?
• Have you participated in any formal training?
• Are you fully insured for liability and workers’ compensation?
• Do you charge by the hour or by project? (NASMM recommends fees should be provided in writing to the consumer or responsible party prior to providing services.)
• Will you provide a written contract?
• Can you provide references?
• Are you a member of the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM)?
• Do you offer customized floor plans?
• Do you provide organizing, sorting and downsizing services?
• Do you arrange for the profitable disposal of unwanted items through auction, estate sale, buy-out, consignment, donation, or a combination?
• Do you interview, schedule and oversee movers?
• How is the billing arranged for the movers?
• Do you pack or do you hire a moving company to perform the packing? (If the Senior Move Manager indicates they pack, make sure they have the appropriate insurance to cover any damages.)
• Do you completely unpack and set up the new home? (These services include unpacking everything, hanging pictures, draperies, installing electronics, etc.)
• Will you handle the transfer of my utilities, mailing address etc?
• What additional services do you offer?
Items you might also want your senior moves manager to include:
• house cleaning
• waste removal
• shopping
• senior escort
• assisting with selection of a realtor
• helping prepare the home to be sold
10 Reasons Why Downsizing Will Set You Free
- Easier to maintain. A smaller home requires less of your time, energy, and effort to accomplish that task.
- Less time spent cleaning. Who doesn’t enjoy more free time? This is just a win-win.
- Less expensive. Everything about a smaller homes is less expensive, from the purchase, to the mortgage payments to the upkeep, You’ll pay fewer taxes, less on electricity, and it will be easier to heat and cool.
- A smaller, less expensive home means you’ll have more money to save. Those savings will start adding up over time.
- You’ve heard the saying “Do you own your stuff or does your stuff own you?” Live in a home where there is no clutter, and you’ll feel the freedom. And because you’ll be cleaning less and not maintaining as many possessions you get to have more free time. Priceless!
- Do you think green? A smaller home uses fewer resources and leaves a smaller footprint. If you don’t have any room in your house for that new treadmill, you’ll be less tempted to buy it in the first place (no offense to those of you who own a treadmill… and actually use it).
- Less temptation to accumulate. One woman who downsized will only buy new clothes if she cycles out something else in her closet. She has a set number of hangers, period.
- There will be a wider market to sell to down the road. A smaller, more affordable house is affordable to a larger percentage of the population.
Decision Made – Now What?
There are literally hundreds of communities around the Valley that offer different services and rates. It can be very confusing and frustrating. You need to simplify the process. First and foremost, you’ll need to figure out what is affordable. Many communities are all-inclusive, meaning meals, transportation and other amenities are included in the monthly rental price. If you at least have a baseline 
figure, that’s a huge help, a starting point. Also location – they probably want to stay close to where they are most familiar, so that narrows the search. After a process of elimination either through a website or by phone (or both in some cases), you can rule out the ones that just aren’t a good fit. Make sure you have pen and paper handy when you speak with each community so you can jot down important notes.
After calling a few different ones, it’ll be hard to keep track of who offered what! Next, the ones you’ve kept on the A list will be the ones you will want to set up appointments with. Progress! You should have 2 or 3 left on the list that you would want to take your loved ones to visit. However, doing a pre-visit to the community is highly recommended. By doing so you won’t have any unpleasant surprises when you bring your parent(s) or loved ones. It’s a long and exhausting process for everyone, but don’t rush through. This is a major decision and you won’t want to have to repeat it if they aren’t happy. When you are touring, be sure to have a ready list of questions. For example some of the questions you will want answered:
a. What amenities are included in rent (meals, light housekeeping, laundry, etc.)?
b. Is there 24-hour security?
c. Are there pull cords in the rooms?
d. What is the pet policy (if appropriate)?
e. What types of activities are offered? Exercises? Classes?
f. Are there church services on site?
g. Transportation?
h. What’s the availability? How soon could they relocate?
You’ve pared the list down to three communities. Take the time to thoroughly discuss each one and if necessary, list pros and cons to help in the decision. It may take some time and effort to finally arrive at the final choice, but it’s worth the investment. When the decision is final, notify the community right away. Some have waiting lists and now that you’ve gotten this far, you don’t want to end up finding out he/she can’t move in for months.
Congratulations, you’ve chosen a new community that both you and your loved one feels positive about! That’s peace of mind for sure. But wait, you’re not finished yet. There’s the task of downsizing a large family home, finding out what will fit into a 1 or 2 bedroom apartment (most likely). There are downsizing professionals who can actually walk you through each step of downsizing and deciding what will fit in the new home. It will make the process much less overwhelming and save a lot of time and energy.
If you are ready to move forward and need a little more direction, try downloading our free Guide to Stress Free Relocating, sign up for our newsletter or schedule a FREE consult with a SeniorMoves Advocate by emailing info@parentprojects.com or calling (480) 757.5750 today.
Making the Decision
Making the decision about when to move mom or dad into an alternative living community isn’t easy. In many cases mom or dad have been in the same home for several years. It’s where they’re comfortable and feel the connection with their past. They raised their children here. There were countless holidays with friends and family. The memories are endless and that’s a huge part of the difficulty in moving them to a different, unfamiliar place. But you are at a point where you worry about their safety and isolation. Since one or the other spouse has passed, they are alone now. You and your siblings are living maybe out of state, or even if living nearby, you still have very busy lives, jobs, children of your own to raise, and the list goes on.
You can’t be with Mom and Dad all the time and wonder if he or she is taking their medication as prescribed or at all, eating healthy or again eating at all, having any interaction with other people, or are they stuck in the house all day — alone. Are they getting increasingly forgetful? There have been instances where they have endangered themselves by forgetting things such as turning off the stove, leaving the door unlocked, etc. Do they seem depressed and sad most of the time? If you find yourself relating to many of these issues, then it’s time to make that big decision, not just for your peace of mind, but for the safety and welfare of your loved one.
Once you’ve made the decision to move mom/dad to a senior community, that’s just one step of many that will need to be taken to accomplish the move. Most importantly is the need to talk to your loved one about it. They need to feel included in the decision. You may have to approach them more than once to discuss moving, especially if they become upset and resentful. On the first approach you might need to make the conversation brief, but at least you will have planted the seed. If they have friends or other family members in senior communities who are having a positive experience, perhaps they would be willing to talk to them about their experience, their initial fears and the positive outcome.
If they invited mom or dad over for a tour of the community and maybe even dinner there, that would alleviate some fears. If that isn’t a possibility, you can call around to different communities and have literature sent to you which you could share with your loved one. Set up tours of different communities. And if you would like to tour the communities prior to bringing Mom or dad, that’s absolutely acceptable, and even encouraged. There are many to choose from and not every community is a good fit for everybody.
However you approach it, you want to make sure that they understand you are concerned about them and give examples of some of your concerns. For example, stress that in a community they will be safe, have access to medical assistance whenever needed, will have many activities to get involved in and opportunities to meet others who have similar interests.
It’s not an easy thing, that’s for sure. It’s a big decision and can be overwhelming with all that is involved. Fortunately, there are professionals who can assist you in finding the right place for your loved one. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.